ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
It took me almost a year to figure out how to properly read EW movie reviews. Let me break it down..

B movie: These are excellent movies. You will really enjoy them and probably end up buying them on DVD thinking that you will listen to the directors commentary, but after the first 10minutes figure out that the director is as boring as shit and watch the movie once through and then let it collect dust.
C movie: These movies are pretty good, might be worth watching in the theater. If in doubt, wait till its out on video. If it comes out three weeks after its premier, don't bother renting it either.
D movie: If you are feeling risky, rent it on video. If you see this in the theater, don't expect your date to return your phone calls.
A movie: These movies are artzy and boring. No one actually enjoys these movies, critic's give them good reviews because they know all the other critics will. They don't want to admit that they don't like the artzy movies all other critics "love". If you enjoy these movies, consider applying for a job at entertainment weekly.

SUV's
Almost every SUV commercial I see, has some reference to the car being driven like mad through harsh territory like mountains, deserts, or my basement.

Why is that everyone who drives an SUV dodges potholes?

Obviously a pothole is much more devastating than driving down the side of MT. EVEREST.

People who comment on what you are buying
This bugs the hell out of me, when you go to the counter to pay for your items and the cashier feels the need to evaluate your purchase.

Her: "Cocktail sauce really doesn't go with bacon and creamer"
Me: ".............."

What? Are you sure? I could have SWORN you were supposed to mix bacon with creamer and use the cocktail sauce to wash it down?

I really don't feel like going through the whole story to the damn checkout lady, but at this point everyone who herd is probably wondering the same thing.

The creamer is for the coffee, which goes with my breakfast which includes bacon.. and I was out of cocktail sauceIs that so hard? Isn't the reason its called a convenience store because you can get everything you need there in one stop? I didn't know I needed to buy things in accordance to one specific meal.

Why don't you set up a purchase counseling service while you are at it? You could help all the people out who buy diet soda and tipple decker hamburgers. You could also point the poor souls who buy soup and shrimp in the right direction.

"I am sorry sir, these items don't match. It's soup and salad, not soup and shrimp! You have to return this item."

Stupid People
This is pertains to specific stupid people. People that get upset because they can't do something they are not supposed to do in the first place.

"Damn it, no one would race me last night!"
Its illegal, just be happy you haven't been caught yet and shut your trap. Just because no else on the road is going to play "The Fast and the Ford Focus" with you, doesn't mean you should get upset.

Its no secret that the center middle isles are the best place to sit when you are in a movie theater. If you haven't figured this out yet, you have undoubtedly found yourself at one of Dan Quale's family reunions. Me and my friend sat down in the movie theater, in the center of coarse. Turns out the fat, ugly, beast behind us got mad because (she/he/it) couldn't put (his/her/its) feet up on the seats.

"The whole fucking theater and they have to sit in front of us"
Blow me..