The most common movie habit that bothers me is the advice person. This person thinks they are the movie characters damn guardian angel. Every time they are about to do something we all know is bad, they feel they absolutely have to talk to them.

"Don't leave him! You are two are in love!"

It's a tragic romance movie, what the hell do you think is going to happen. They both fall in love and live happily ever after, and the tragedy is that you paid $8 to see a movie with no conflict? Further more, what is the use of talking to the movie? Does anyone really expect anything to happen differently? Like the woman in the movie is just going look out into the audience and say

"Hey wait a minute, you know what? She is right, we are in love!"

No! That will never happen, if anything they would say

"Bitch! Shut the hell up, no one paid to hear your ass whine at the screen."

What is even more perplexing, is that these people would never give someone that kind of advice in real life. Its not like its part of there daily lives and they just can't help it. If they were in the same situation in the movie, they would NEVER give them that kind of advice. I can guarantee they would just try and find some way where they would come out ahead.

"The killer is definitely not outside hiding in that shadow, you go out there and hide while I look for him in the fallout shelter, I will close the door so he can't get out"

Even worse are the people who have to point out how "fake" the movie is. Like they are making some revelation that no one else noticed. They always have to state "Oh that is so fake", or "That would not really happen that way".

Bitch, the movie is called "Superman", what the hell were you expecting?

I mean really, it's a movie. If it were real life it would be called a documentary, and when was the last time you paid to go see a damn documentary? Never, they show you that shit in school for free, and even then you had to take bathroom breaks to prevent your brain from shriveling up. Making movies close to reality would be even worse!

"Oh damn it, they are doing paperwork again. I tell you these lawyer movies are boring as shit man."

Movies are supposed to be fake that's what makes them entertaining. Does it really matter if a car can't fly twenty feet in the air? No it doesn't, because a car flying twenty feet in the air is entertainment!

Finally you have the narrators. These people tend to catch on twice as slow as everyone else, but somehow feel they need to utter everything that goes through their mind while watching the movie. Once the movie alludes to who the villain really is, wait ten minutes and the narrators will exclaim it like they won the lotto.

"OH MY LORD, JIM IS REALLY THE KILLER!"

Yeah, we know.. we have known… and now we know that you are retarded.

I recently saw a movie involving a secret hero. The hero kisses the leading lady once disguised, and once as his alter ego. Now, at this point it becomes painfully obvious that the leading lady knows who the alter ego really is. Everyone in the theater acknowledged it silently and begins to follow the rest of the movie.

Ten minutes later I hear from the back of the room "Oh my god she knows who he really is!"

What? You're kidding! I though she was just thinking about how she left the stove on, why else would she be lost in thought after she kissed him?

So next time you are in a movie, remember that you are not part of the movie, movies are meant to be fake, and if the movie was meant to have a narrator it probably ALREADY HAS ONE. If you think that you are catching on to aspects of the movie faster than everyone else, you are actually catching on slower.. so don't say anything.

Thank you, and enjoy the show